For Lack of Anything Better Than This
by Kiryami
Summary: What if Ryuuzaki had pulled THAT out from under his shirt? T to be safe, may change but probably not Summary fails. Genderswitch.
1. Moodswings and Spying

Oh, snapz. She's back with ANOTHER story? -dodges objects being thrown at her-

I'vebeenwantingtodothisforalongtime OKAY??!?!

And. Um. I'm already almost finished with it, the only thing to do now is get it typed and uploaded.

And, as previously stated two or three times...You have my word that I will, unless I die before compltion, without a doubt, finish all of the other stories.

No matter how painful it is to do so.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Death Note or any of its epic, epic, epic characters.

**Warnings: **Genderswitch, mild language, stupidity, slight crack, minute traces of perversion, me trying to write a pairing I don't like, an unhappy ending, gut-wrenching plot twists, craptastic summary, lethargy, insomnia, sugar-high-ness, somewhat AU/alternate timeline, repetition, redundancy, spinny chairs, Matsuda abuse, much OOC, umm...Yeah.

**Pairing: **Raito/LightXFemme!L (Oh yeah. I SO went there.)

Please, on behalf of whatever it is you and/or I stand for, enjoy!!

~"~

Pull tight. A little tighter (ow)...There. Baggy white shirt, comfy and covering. Baggy jeans...same effect. No shoes, no socks. A quick once-over of the hair with long, thing fingers, and...Ready.

L, a.k.a Hideki Ryuuga, a.k.a. Rue Ryuuzaki, slumped calmly from his room.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

An unwilled sigh escaped L's lips as he settled himself, as always, in his spinny chair at the back of the large computer room. He could not help the invisible roll of his shadowed eyes when Matsuda began his daily pointless rambling spell. And he most certainly didn't intend to burst into tears and dash off down the hall when Raito made an offhand comment about his shirt looking tighter than usual. Stupid Raito...

L slammed the door to his room, not expecting it to shake the walls like it did, locked it, and flung himself down on the bed he never slept in. He hadn't thought Raito could be such a jerk...

Nor was he expecting the flustered man to follow him, apologizing, up the stairs. Being faced with a sturdy door and an L who didn't want to see him, Raito was about to turn and give up. But then he heard sniffling behing the sturdy door. Sniffling and murmuring and shuffling of clothes.

Temptation and curiosity won over modesty and better judgement, and Raito leaned down and peered through the shimmering keyhole...

Only to tear away as if he'd been burned. No way had he actually seen...Could Ryuuzaki really...?

He put his eye back to the keyhole. Stood up slowly. Walked away.

Raito Yagami had just seen L shirtless, and he would never be the same.

~"~

Yes, I know it's freaking short. The rest are better, I think...

Also, one more note. I wrote the first bit of this whole story several weeks ago, then abruptly stopped. And wrote the last chunk today.

So.

Yeah.

Constructive criticism is appreciated!


	2. Revelation

Ah, found some more warnings...Lookit!

**Warnings: **Slight spoilers if you haven't finished the anime/manga, me screwing with actual dialog so it's not so actual anymore, gaping holes in the storyline from where we rushed/spazzed out

~"~

"Ryuuzaki's a woman."

The entirety of the Japanese Task Force stared at Raito as if he had just announced that he was gay, alien-pregnant, and moving to the center of the earth.

"...What?" Matsuda asked dumbly. Raito repeated it for him. "That's crazy!"

"Raito, where would you get an idea like that?" Soichiro asked.

"I-"

"Yes, Raito-kun," a silky, growling voice from the stairwell began. "Whatever made you think such a silly thing?"

Raito gaped at Ryuuzaki, who now wore a much baggier shirt and a knowing expression. He tried to speak, couldn't, and shut his mouth. Eyes still wide and making him look slightly mad, he grabbed his coat and walked quickly to the door.

"Going out," he gurgled, and was gone.

Silently, as if nothing had happened, L resettled himself in his chair, in that oh-so familiar position, and resumed staring into a blank screen.

"Yagami-san, your son is very strange."

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Breathing in the cool Tokyo air on the top of a random building, Raito attempted to steady himself. Clear his head. He wasn't crazy. He knew what he had seen. And...

And so did Ryuuzaki.

There was no way he could face him (her?) after that. No possible way! But, he told himself, heartbeat regulating, he was Kira, God of the New World! And, he told himself, he was Raito Yagami, born lady-killer. Surely, he reasoned, L the Woman would be no different.

Raito Yagami couldn't have been more wrong.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Over the next several days, Raito turned the charm on full blast whenever L was nearby (and the Task Force wasn't, of course.) His efforts were, however, fruitless. And for the life of him he couldn't understand why.

Nor was he entirely sure why he cared. Sure, L was attractive enough. Intellegient, beautiful in a not outer-wordly sort of way, nice body (when you were positive she wasn't male)...but he had no need for companionship, especially that of a female who was, regardless of what anyone including the two mentioned said, his mortal enemy.

But he had always sent any woman he looked at swaying, and L was immune. It infuraited the auburn-haired man. He did not lust after the young detective, and he had no emotional ties to her. But...perhaps if he could get her on his side...?

No. L's sense of "justice" was far too strong. Well, perhaps he could convince her that he was, in fact, justice. _True_ justice.

He licked his slightly chapped lips. Yes, that could work. And even if it failed...No! It would not fail! He would see it through to the end.

L would fall prey to the very thing she had hunted so passionately.


	3. Flirting in the Shade

It was a warm, sunny Monday when Raito first put his plan into action. All morning he'd been waiting, and finally, in the break period before their Language Arts class, he found L outside, sitting on a bench under a tree and reading what appeared to be an old English novel.

"Hey, Ryuuga," he hailed calmly.

L blinked at him, then held up one pale hand. "Yagami-kun. How are you?" Raito grimaced inwardly. She was acting as if nothing strange had happened at all.

"Alright, I guess...I did want to apologize for freaking out the other day. I'm sorry."

"Not to worry, Yagami-kun. In fact, I've already forgiven you." Raito gave a soft sigh of relief, but L kept her eyes on him. "Let's not let it happen aagin, though.

Caught off-guard, Raito chuckled awkwardly. "Sure."

The following afternoon, they met there again, L reading the same book in the same bench under the same tree. They spoke about trivial things; the weather, their classes, that book of L's; Raito's observaoty skills on alert the whole time.

Friday came, and it was time to strike. L was perched on the edge of the bench, hardback book held open by one hand, and Raito sat next to her, apparently in thought.

"H-hey, Ryuuga...?"

L looked at him without moving her head or body. "Yes?"

"Um...never mind."

"Take all the time you need to gather your thoughts, Yagami-kun." L returned to her book. _The shy act, Yagami? Please...What are you planning...?_

_Huh. Guess I should just do it..._Raito thought.

"Do you want to get some cake or something later?" he spluttered, then looked over in surprise at the sound of a book hitting the ground. L was staring at him. "Ryuuga...?"

L leaped to her feet, grabbed the book and her ratty tennis shoes, and bowed a bit to Raito. "I'll see you, yagami-kun."

"Ah-wait a--" The sounding bell drowned out his message as L vanished into the crowd.

"Damn," Raito muttered, and headed off to class.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

L ignored him the entire period. He did every possible (subtle) thing he could do to get her attention, but she faked oblivion surprisingly well.

It was only when the final bell rang and Raito pressed his face into the cool, flat surface of his desk that she spoke to him again. A light tapping on the back of his chair made him sit up. L was looking down at him, expression unreadable, and when she spoke, her voice was a bit higher and softer than he was used to.

"Are we going?"

Raito blinked, then smiled. "Yeah."

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

"So, I never would've guessed that you were...uh, you know."

"No need to speak so quietly, Raito-kun. As I've said before, no one can hear us back here."

"Y-yeah, right."

"But yes. There is only one besides yourself who knows, and you must tell no one."

_One other...? _"B-but why?"

For the first time since he'd known her, Raito noticed just how weary L looked.

"_Because, _Raito-kun, if everyone knew that the smartest man in the world was a woman, well..."

"What difference does gender make?"

Raito watched in awe as L scoffed and rolled her eyes.

"Come now, Raito-kun. You can't tell me that when you first found out you didn't have your doubts."

"Well..."

"Exactly. _Promise_ me you won't tell anyone."

"Okay, I promise." Raito gazes sincerely across the table at L, who regarded him like a beaten dog confronted by its old master. He reached for her hand, which was quickly yanked from his grasp. He shook it off. "You can trust me."

"Can I, Raito-kun?" L breathed, a visible shudder running through her crouching form.

"Yes," Raito whispered back.

"What can I get you folks?" a bubbly young waitress asked, tearing the duo's attention away from one another. L curled tighter into a ball, nibbling a thumbnail, so Raito ordered first.

_I've already won, L._


	4. Partnerships

Wow!! Two reviews in less than twelve hours?!?! Thanks so much!!

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

"I don't like it either, Raito-kun, but until these handcuffs come off, you're stuck with me."

"Don't you mean, 'I'm stuck with you,' Ryuuzaki?" Raito asked, smiling. L pretended not to hear him.

"Watari, what have you gathered on the Yotsuba Company?"

"Nothing much, but it seems your friend was right." L grimaced a bit while Raito busied himself with one of his shoelaces. There's been a lot of suspicious activity. It would definitely be worth looking into."

"Thank you."

The large W vanished from the csreen, and L began going through some files on the computer. For what seemed to be the umpteenth time that evening, Raito and L were alone in the darkened computer room.

Finding himself bored and without outlet, Raito glanced over at L, who appeared to be abnormally tense. Thinking it through no further than the first move-and-a-half, he crept up behind the young detective, a thin smirk plastered to his handsome face.

"Eeee-ruuu," he purred, wrapping his arms around her waist and pressing his mouth into the crook of her neck. She flinched, made a noise of flustered distaste, and shoved him away from her.

"What are you doing?!"

Raito responded with a question of his own. "What is Watari to you, Ryuuzaki?" It seemed to be nothing more than curiosity.

L hadn't been expecting it. "Watari...?" She tugged at the edge of of a loose, snow-white sleeve and swallowed, heart thundering against her ribcage. She was watching Raito closely, ready to fight (or flee) should he step toward her again.

Raito nodded and settled himself in another chair, crossing his legs and waiting patiently, expression gentle and serene as though he hadn't just attempted intimacy with her.

"Watari is...very important...to me," L began, sitting against the desk and becoming very quiet. "He's important to me," she reiterated, eyes darting up to Raito then back to the floor. "He's the one who found me after my parents..."

Raito looked at L, and for once saw something other than an ingenius enemy. For once, he didn't stop at one of the many masks L wore. For once, he saw her as what she truly was; a bereaved young woman with the weight of the world on her shoulders.

And he felt sick.

"...After my parents died. He looked after me, and I'd be nothing without him," the bereaved young genius finished with a sigh.

In a flash of mindless instinct, Raito Yagami had scooped L up in his arms and held her tightly to him. She gasped and tensed at first, but slowly relaxed into the touch. She couldn't remember the last time she had allowed someone to hold her like that.

She had forgotten how good it felt to be close to someone, to share all her problems with a good friend...

"I feel...happy," L murmured suddenly, voice muffled by Raito's shirt. The man leaned back slightly to peer down at her.

"Why is that?" he asked. L smiled a soft, genuine smile, and wrapped her arms around him in a warm hug.

"Because Raito-kun is my best friend."

Raito started, taken aback by the sudden change of pace. She looked so vulnerable then, limp and jelly-like in his arms. Was that even possible for someone like L? He supposed so...At that moment, Raito had no evil, impure thoughts or emotions.

Heart full of good intentions, he rested his cheek against the surprisingly soft spikes of hair, and breathed their sweet human scent.

"From now on," he murmured, "I'll help Watari. I'll look after you, too." Against his slightly heaving chest, L nodded.

"Okay."

But partnerships of that sort always dissipate eventually, without fail.

_Always._


	5. Time

Time waits for no man, beast, or Shinigami, and Raito was most certainly one of the above. As life went on, he became closer to L, and closer to achieving his ultimate goal. But as he inched ever nearer to what he'd wanted for so long, he began to wonder whether or not that was what he was truly after anymore.

L had told him, time and time again, that they could not be together. But when Misa was safe in bed and Raito was up minding the computers, and cradling the young detective like he had never held his fiancee (and probably never would,) she didn't seem to mind.

He saw turmoil in the woman's lightless eyes, turmoil that ate him alive. He had no idea how much longer he could continue that was, plotting her death as he kissed her. Imagining his takeover as he whispered that everything would be alright.

On their last evening together, she disappeared to the top of the building, and he found her later, standing in the rain. Her hair was slicked against her head and the back of her neck, and her baggy clothes clung to her malnourished-looking frame like layers and layers of loose skin. When she looked at him, her essense was melancholy, but what he first thought tears proved to be only raindrops leaving trails down her sickly-pale face.

"Do you hear the bells?" she inquired. Raito barely heard her. "It's a church. A wedding, maybe...I bet it's nice."

Raito watched her, noting a tone of longing in her quiet voice. He didn't hear the bells. "Let's go back, Ryuuzaki."

L looked off into the distance once more. "Alright," she said after a pause.

Once inside, Raito sat down on the steps and began to dry his drenched hair. L sat in front of him and proceeded, despite Raito's protests, to massage his feet.

"I wasn't lying when I said you were my best friend, you know."

"I know."

The duo lapsed into comfotable silence for a moment, L working on Raito's feet, Raito watching her move. Deciding he'd had enough, Raito leaned forward, pulling L to him at the same time, and pressed their lips together. Just as L was responding for what could easily be the first time, a catchy jingle drew her away.

"Yes?" she answered somewhat breathlessly, and waited, face growing more grim all the while. "Understood." She closed the phone, only to be hurriedly interrogated by Raito.

She waited for him to cease spazzing before reaching up and pecking him, so gently it was like the softest touch of a butterfly's wing, on the lips. This threw him a bit.

"...L?"

"It's almost time to say goodbye," she mumbled, and turned back toward he main stairs.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

The next several minutes passed in a bur. L was speaking very quickly to Watari on the other end of their connection, and occassionally barking orders to the Task Force. Suddenly, all the screens in the room turned bleach white. A single line of bold text ran across the center of every one of them

**_All data deletion._**

It looked so...final.

L sucked in a shaky breath, explained to the Task Froce what she believed had just happened, and fought back the tears only she and Raito knew were there.

The last sentence Raito heard her utter was broken, incomplete, shouted...afraid.

"Everyone! The Shiniga-"

Raito watched, wide-eyed, as she tumbled from the chair she'd sat in the whole time he'd known her. When his sense finally returned to him, he cried out and dove after her.

"Ryuuzaki??!" The voices sounded all at once, shattering his sanity in a thousand places. He had wanted this. he had always wanted this.

"Ryuuzaki! Ryuuzaki!!"

And now he had what he wanted.

"Ryuuzaki!!!"

Raito Yagami had won, but at what cost?


	6. Not Like Her

Four years and some odd months later, Raito Yagami found himself standing in an abandoned warehouse, hating the childlike creature before him with all his might.

_You're _nothing_ compared to L, Near. Nothing!_

The world was moving in slow motion, just as it had when he lost her. It was his own fault that she was dead. He knew it wasn't love; he didn't love her. He'd never loved her. But he'd liked her, cared for her, hated her, and now...

Mokami, the clever tool he'd picked up in an attempt to shake those pesky heirs L had failed to mention, crept inside the door. Crimson eyes glinting, the crazed man began counting to forty.

No one died.

Mikami was apprehended.

The notebook was fake.

"Raito Yagami, you are Kira."

The remaining shreds of Raito-s feeble sanity burned to dust. He heard himself, laughing wildly, from a distance. Felt his purposes, all of them, slipping away.

"Yes, I am Kira. But also the God of this New World."

He was lying to himself. He knew he was caught. There was no way out.

"You're nothing but a murderer," the white-haired boy said coolly.

No, no, he _was _a murderer, but also so much more...Wasn't he?

"Ryuk! You can still kill them!" He was desperate, foolish...The hinigami had said from the start that he wasn't on Raito's side. Self-serving bastard... "Will you write their names?!"

"Sure, I'll write it."

"I've won, Near! I've won, and you're going to-" A sudden pain in his chest stopped him. He fell to the floor, vision blurring, rigor mortem already beginning to set in. "R-Ryuk...?"

The grinning Death God held up his Death Note, and Raito was staring at his own names. His death certificate.

He felt the others gawking at his pitiful state, and didn't care. It wouldn't matter. It never really mattered.

Near. Near was nothing like L, not the real L. It occurred to him that even he hadn't known everything about her...And he smiled. L was smart. She wouldn't have shown the Devil himself her innermost secrets for all the sugar in the world.

"Urk-!" He was running out of time, and thinking the strangest things for a man breathing his last. He wondered faintly whether L had loved him, if she as capable of such things.

Probably not.

He felt...peaceful, somehow. L had been beautfiul. Intelligent. Clever and mysterious.

And she has, if only for a little while, been his. That was the main difference between L and Near.

Blood trickled out of his wounded hand and onto the wet ground beneathe him. Tears soon joined it. Whether he admitted it or not, he missed L. Badly. And he would never see her again.

An image of her flashed across his vision, and he was gone. In the end, it really was L who had won.

~"~

You know...I didn't think it that bad before, but...typing this up, that end bit made me feel a little sixk. x__X;

Anyway. Everybody's been so good to me and this story. Thanks to any and everyone who read and/or reviewed!!

Also, just to let anybody thinking about it know...No, I won't write an additional chapter. Sorry. I warned of an unhappy ending in the beginning.

**Disclaimer: **As stated in the first chapter, I do not own Death Note. If I did, I would have no need to write things like this.


End file.
